The Minekandla Report: The 8-bit Pixel Protector investigates unauthorised use of City TexturesWritten by: / / 5 Comments
The following is a report submitted by the special 8-bit Pixel Protector unit formed specifically to investigate the misappropriation of public textures on Minecraft World.
Read on to the uncover the truth behind the team’s shocking discoveries.
8-bit Pixel Protector’s Public Report of Minekandla Community Upgrades
Prior to commencing with the thrust of this report it is important to note the parameters of the investigation that preceded the content contained within this report. There were numerous rumblings amongst the citizens of the 8-bit community of Minekandla that inappropriate crafting had been taking place in their quiet homestead for some time and they wished the Pixel Protector to investigate and make recommendations.
I shall begin this report by drawing your attention to the historical conditions prevalent in the Minekandla region.
Historical Conditions of Minekandla:
Case File: Historically, Minekandla is a quiet village situated in lush greenery and accompanied by the most beautiful sunrises and Tetris-like cloud formations.
Case File: As far as villages in the area are considered, Minekandla holds a reputation for being a small and peaceful village.
Case File: An archive photo of Minekandla. This picture was photographed ca. 75 years prior to the arrival of Number One and the alleged security upgrades.
It is commonly accepted, however, that this peaceful status of Minekandla was short-lived after a suited man that villagers describe as ‘The Creep’ moved into the area. After no attempt to negotiate, this suited man declared himself ‘Number One’ and began “redistributing” the land for, what he called, “the previously duplicitous.” His desire, he claimed, was to upgrade the “old school” village into a City metropolis unmatched in all of the realm.
Case File: Soon, Number One ruled with an iron fist.
The villagers, unable to explain the rapid development of ‘Security Upgrades’ taking place in their once-quiet village of Minekandla, soon discovered that they were locked out of their homes and driven to the far reaches of the Nether, banished, as their once rustic homeland was gutted and replaced with a monolith of modern structures. Prevented from returning, the villagers summoned the aid of the Office of the Pixel Protector to investigate their allegations of misconduct.
Pixel Protector Team
In response to the Minekandla residents’ appeals for help, the 8-bit Pixel Protector sent two of its finest investigators: Agent Zoomer and Youbaldy Agent.
Case File: Taken on-site at the preliminary visit, Agent Zoomer is pictured holding the confiscated blueprints for Minekandla.
Outcome of investigations:
“Secure in the upgrade of security upgrades”
Preliminary investigations immediately illustrated the roughshod approach that Number One adopted in bringing the City Texture upgrades to Minekandla. Number One maintained they were all made in the interest of security upgrades and denied his knowledge of the extent of the upgrades. He diverted all queries to his Minister of Blame who was unavailable for comment throughout the investigation.
It has been observed by the investigating team that extensive and excessive upgrades have been introduced to Minekandla, many of which constitute gross abuse of labour and the excavation of materials. In almost all circumstances, lax adherence to Health & Safety was apparent with at least one fatal fall onsite while the investigation was under way.
Case File: Note the warning sign highlighting the steep descent into the Amphitheatre. No railing or balustrade.
Case File: SHE violations. Workers were expected to work under extreme conditions in formal attire at all times.
An elaborate and expensive fire pool was discovered under construction beneath the Amphitheatre. The installation of a fire pool was justified by Number One as an internal heating solution to cut electricity costs as well as serve as a secure and warm escape in the event of snowfall in Minekandla.
Case File: Phase one of Number One’s fire pool, observed in early construction. Note no life guard on duty.
The villagers’ animal population has been unscrupulously hoarded into an exclusive sheep paddock and cow pen which is now completely off-limits to all other residents of Minekandla.
Case File: Livestock off limits.
Allegations of slavery and abuse were also investigated, and confirmed. In this midnight snapshot (below), a worker was discovered trapped in the cow pen and ostensibly left to perish in the daylight. Number One maintains that this worker died several weeks ago and was buried in the cow pen where he has since been much happier.
Case File: Gross violations of workers’ rights were observed.
It must be noted that, regardless of their purported legitimacy, the upgrades leave a lot to be desired in terms of effective security as a terrorist in a suit allegedly detonated explosives near the cow pen, leading to tremendous damage and loss of beef. Number One had no option but to install the Cow Pen Security Tower to prevent further loss of beef.
Case File: The Cow Pen Security Tower.
Case File: Security inside the Cow Pen Security Tower was unreasonably high and a gross waste of residents’ building blocks.
Further to the elaborate above-ground construction work, a mysterious pit was discovered behind the cow pen. After further investigations it was discovered that this pit led down to an illuminated helipad which was used for Number One’s personal aircraft. Local villagers objected to Number One over this extravagant luxury, to which Number One explained that every dignitary must maintain an image of opulence if they wish to be taken seriously.
Case File: A strange pit outside the (still under construction) main residence. Number One (pictured in cow pen) was always close to the team to explain any curious discoveries.
Case File: The strange pit outside the (still under construction) main residence reveals a long ladder installed into the side of the cavern.
Case File: The illuminated helipad for Number One’s personal air fleet.
Case File: Signs on the wall note that in the event that a US dignitary is in Minekandla airspace, Number One’s aircraft is referred to as “Airwolf.”
Evidence of the accusations of Number One controlling access to the villagers’ crops was also observed. Number One explained that it was for their own good since some villagers were trodding on the wheat and ruining the crops. This did not, however, explain the machine gun post located a short distance from the wheat field.
Case File: crops were cordoned off from the villagers (machine gun nest not pictured).
In a final example of the dire disparities between the Minekandla residents and Number One, their ablution facilities were replaced with a bucket and spade system, while Number One had the old ablution facilities upgraded.
Case File: The common ablution facilities have been replaced by a single covered facility which is strictly “for NUMBER ONE ONLY.”
Youbaldy Agent was able to confirm an elaborate pit shaft had been driven into the ablution facilities which led to a secret reserve of gold and iron ore. Number One explained this away as attributing to him having eaten a Golden Goose for lunch.
Case File: Pixel Protector Agent Extraordinaire, Youbaldy Agent determines the actual depth of the “long drop to freedom” installed at Minekandla.
Despite numerous explanations for the various security upgrades at Minekandla, the team confirms that gross violations of human and workers’ rights were observed onsite. The banishment of the villagers from Minekandla is unacceptable and Number One has been aggressive in his approach to anyone coming onsite.
We recommend that he is sanctioned and banished from Minekandla. He will no doubt blow his top at the news but it is a necessary punishment. We also note that extensive time and effort has been placed in the construction of the upgrades and we recommend they must nevertheless remain and be further developed.
We do note that the new City Texture apportioned to the Minekandla environment is modern, crisp, and highly detailed, reflecting a mega-corporate appearance. We cannot fault Number One’s vision of creating a futuristic home with such City Textures – if other villagers are looking for a simple and affordable change to their homeland’s appearance, then applying the modernising effects of the City Texture is our recommendation.
Thanks to Agent Zoomer and Youbaldy Agent for filing this extensive report, revealing that the City Texture Pack for Minecraft: Xbox 360 Edition is available now and ready for you to craft structures to suit your own wild imagination.