Valve Software (and silent development partner Aperture Science) has just announced that this year’s highly anticipated first-person puzzle game, Portal 2, will in fact not belong to 2010 (as originally intended) and will instead release in 2011.

The news comes as Valve (and Aperture Science) released a joint newsletter announcing the unfortunate but “successful completion of an ethics-review-panel-supervised release date restructuring process.”

Even though Portal 2 has been delayed, the two companies reassure us that “all life on earth won’t instantaneously stop as every molecule in your body explodes at the speed of light.”

Thank goodness for that.

The full, excellently humorous press release from Valve follows below:

“Aperture Science, doing business as Aperture Laboratories LLC, in partnership with Valve today announced the successful completion of an ethics-review-panel-supervised release date restructuring process. Portal 2, the sequel to the ground-breaking title that earned over 30 Game of the Year awards despite missing its original ship date, is now targeted for a 2011 release.

“Representatives from both companies acknowledged that public safety concerns factored into the decision. They went on to say that even though Portal 2 will arrive slightly later than planned, all life on earth won’t instantaneously stop as every molecule in your body explodes at the speed of light, which is what would happen should a rip ever appear in the fabric of Valve Time.

“Also, the game will be even better,” they added, missing an historic opportunity to create the first product delay press release to mention that a product is being delayed to make it worse.

“To ask questions about how close we all came to dying, or to ask futile questions about the previously announced E3 PORTAL-2-THEMED-FOR-GOD’S SAKE surprise or, less futilely, to schedule an appointment to attend a Portal 2 screening at the Valve booth during E3, please contact Valve’s delegate to the EU’s Valve Time Studies Group, Doug Lombardi.”